Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
