Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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