I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
