You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
