you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
