Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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