he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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