i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
