True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
