Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
