if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
