Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
