I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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