so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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