she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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