I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
