My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your tits are I can't wait for
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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