im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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