Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
