am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
