I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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