im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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