Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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