he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
