So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
