hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
