and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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