Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
