Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
