I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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