Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
