I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
