If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
