she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
