I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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