I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
