Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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