My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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