the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
