I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
