My boss' voice literally gives me gas
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
