I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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