we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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