Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
