i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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