chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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