im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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