how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I could fuck to npr.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
