Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
