Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER