Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?