she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
