I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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