So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just blew my weed a kiss
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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