haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
