hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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