I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
