I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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