I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
