GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
