btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
