no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
