You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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