I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm too high and old for this...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
