I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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