You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
