Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
