U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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