haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
