Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My cat gives me a boner
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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