WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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